— Ask me something, I’m bored.
I was tidying the bedroom and she was lying in bed. I asked:
— If you where to break any Guiness World record, what would it be?
She didn’t pause to think:
— When I was a child I read about the world record for most snails held in someone’s face, I don’t remember how many they were but I remember thinking I could do more.
— And now your face is even bigger.
— Exactly!
I looked at it and tried to divide her skin into parking spaces for snails, leaving enough space for the eyes, mouth and nostrils. Perhaps 14. Maybe more, if they are small. We looked it up later and the record is only 8 snails. The same person who broke this record also broke the record for most gloves worn in one hand. They were 7, which also feels unimpressive. But maybe this is one of those things that is trickier that it seems at first. Putting on gloves, holding snails, entertaining her while she lays bored in my bed — there is always some mastery hidden under small actions.
I gathered all the gloves we have at home and tried to put them on. I didn’t know if latex counts and I decided it didn’t. I managed to fit 4 in my right hand. I’m halfway to being exceptional.