1. Each participant has two minutes to write a subject line.
2. We pass around the subject lines. Each participant has ten minutes to write an email about
the subject line they received.
3. We pass around the emails with their respective subject lines. Each participant then has ten
minutes to write a reply to the email they have received.
from: Jeremy A. "JAW" White
to: [email protected]
subject: lost pyjamas, room 304
To whomever it may concern,
in the middle of what seemed to be the coldest night of the season, I, undersigned, Jeremy A. White, lost a set of silk pyjamas, with my embroidered initials JAW on the cuffs of the shirt. Having been the only guest in possession of the key to the room I have been staying in, I find myself in lack of understanding as to who it could have been to displace the night garment from the aforementioned room. Dispossesed of the pyjamas designed to keep my tired body sheltered from the cold of the northern nights, I had to put on my winter coat and hat, and mount the bed in this pitiful attire, not being able to shut my eyes and sleep all throughout the night, resulting in a complete exhaustion the following day when I was supposed to give a lecture at a local university about the little known practices of the recently discovered species of silver snow beetles.
I am expressing my expectation for the hotel to rectify this situation and make sure I do not need to sleep in my coat yet another night.
Yours faithfully,
Prof. Dr. Dr. Jeremy A. White
from: Hotel Hammurabi
to: [email protected]
subject: lost pyjamas, room 304
Dear Jaw White,
We're very sorry for any inconvenience we may have caused you.
Since at Hotel Hammurabi, the guest is our highest priority, you can rest assured that we have done everything in our power to retrieve your precious possessions. Immediately from the date we have received your letter, Monday September 12th, the hotel manager has initiated an inquisition among the staff. This inquisition has proven fruitful, as on Wednesday September 14th several women from the cleaning staff have confessed to stolen your pyjamas. Presumably, each of them had stolen one part of the pyjamas, explaining why there were several culprits. One of them was even caught red-handed wearing your pyjamas, though admittedly they were made of flannel and not silk. We can only assume she hexed them somehow causing them to change material. Unfortunately, as a result of the inquisition, the pyjamas have been slightly damaged (blood), but we are confident that a higher-end dry-cleaning service should be able to assist you further. Personally, we recommend Henry's Drycleaning just down the street from our hotel.Could you please confirm your address so we can send you back the pyjamas?
Cheers!
Anna from Reception
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from: [email protected]
to: [email protected]
subject: about what you did last Easter
Dear Emma,
I am still thinking about what your story about getting your hair buzzcut for Easter. I really can't imagine you without your long dark hair. Much like Jesus, in fact. Do you have photos of yourself with your head shaved? Or are you trying to hide it from the collective memory? Did you feel different afterwards? Colder, for sure. Did it feel like losing something?
Or did it feel like letting go?
Best,
J.
from: Emma
to: John
subject: RE: about what you did last Easter
Dear John,
I found myself surprised to have received an email from you. We haven’t talked since last Easter, and I thought you didn’t want to be in touch.
Your obsession with my long hair is sick. I suspected that could have been the reason of you ghosting me, and now it’s all clear. But I am happy this is how things turned out, because I am better off without someone who values me for the length of the hair on my head. In the end, it was the act of letting go, and what was being let go was you and your oppressive projections and desires.
And don’t get Jesus involved in this. Jesus would not approve of your toxic masculinity.
Happy Easter, douchebag
Emma
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from: [email protected]
to: [email protected]
subject: not coming home this Xmas
Hi Berta,
I hope this email finds you well. I am writing you to inform you that I will not be attending your annual festivities surrounding this year's Yuletide. Reasons therefore being that I think you are a narcissist and I am kind of done wasting two days of my year basked in your noxious presence. And not only yours, but also that of Aunt Christie's, and especially of Uncle Karl's, whose halo of coffeebreath and malice I can sense from here, 569,52 kilometres away.
That being said, I do hope that you enjoy the goose that he so kindly shoots for the whole family to eat every year (this is a necessary and self-sacrificing action, as food is very scarce in our times and hunting innocent birds is a pursuit full of danger for one's own life). Without my presence, you will have even more flesh to feast upon, which I assume must be some sort of mild consolidation for the gaping hole you will surely feel.
Yours,
Paul
from: Berta
to: Paul
subject: RE: not coming home this Xmas